L is for Loser

I was having a pretty good day, had my workout, the kids were behaving.  And then... DH texted me.  The text asked if I wanted to be the unit ombudsman.

A few years ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity.  But yesterday, it was like a punch in the gut.

The last position I had before I resigned, I was happy to leave.  I liked everyone in the office.  However, I was new and did not know who to trust.  In addition, I went from autonomy to micromanaged.  I left that position feeling like a failure.

So, to be asked if I wanted a job, those feelings of failure washed all over me.  I can't do this, I think to myself.  And then I think, well the team lead was a jerk, maybe I can do this.

And then I thought about my kids.  I did look forward to moving so I could resign and be with my kids.  I don't think I will look for a job when DS is preschool age like I first thought I would.  I enjoy being able to take DD to school, to take the kids to the library, and have playgroups.  Furthermore, I get to go to the gym.

I am sure I can do that job and not have my time with my kids challenged.  Right now, I don't get to do my crafts because I am constantly keeping tabs on DS.  Maybe when he is a bit older, I may take on the challenge, but for now... I am going to enjoy being a SAHM

We came from a place with a huge military presence and this place does not have one.  I like it!  The only real reminder that DH is military is when he brings his uniform home on Friday to be washed.

I don't think I want to do the job.  I do have until the 15th of November to turn in my application.  I may change my mind, but I don't think I will.